I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
