sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
