forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
