im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
