I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
