if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize