her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
