i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
