When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My liver just had a heart attack.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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