does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
