Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
