She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
