So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
