and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
