she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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