even my farts smell like vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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