actually, I'm a sock model
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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