The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
