can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize