I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize