i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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