Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
