6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
