I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
