I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
