is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
