well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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