You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize