I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
