for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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