i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
