Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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