i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
