i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize