please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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