Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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