She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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