YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
