I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
