I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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