go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
