We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
