i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
