she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
