So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
