when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
