Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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