They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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