I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
