we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
