We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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