i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
