so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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