guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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