I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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