Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
smell my finger.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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