the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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