3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love accidental penises.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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