theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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