his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
