I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
