Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I checked into jail on foursquare
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
