How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
