I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
