Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
