I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
