I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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