Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
