you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
