To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
