Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
