Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize