She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
