the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
